Psych. I don't there's such a thing.
I do not like to put my five month-old down. Like, at all.
I am well aware that a lot of people think holding a baby too much can "spoil" him or her. Listen, you can put your kid down as much as you want. But whatever you do, don't accuse a mom of "spoiling" her baby unless you have substantial evidence that it causes harm.
And by evidence, I mean more than the panicked vague assertion I heard from my husband one day when he misinterpreted Finley's gas for clingy-ness.
You hold him too much, he's getting too used to it.
Really? So even though all the research says it makes them more independent in the long run--
I don't care what research says. Everyone says they'll get too attached.
Everyone does? So now that we're listening to "everyone" instead of research, can you name one specific person?
I don't need to. It's EVERYONE.
So out of EVERYONE, you cannot tell me one specific person's name, who held his or her child too much, and which child, upon learning to walk, still wanted to be held all the time?
I'm wrong and stupid and you are smart and always right. (This is what I chose to hear, because whatever he actually said was not a person's name.)
Here's the thing. I work, and I have a commute. I'm gone 11 hours a day. And my baby is on a good sleeping schedule. This means that I have, almost without fail, precisely two hours of awake time with my awesome kid on weekdays. All the weekdays. And on weekends, I have to clean, to my dismay, which means I have to put him down for a good chunk of both days. And this is how it's been since I went back to work when he was two months old. Mathematically, it makes sense not to put him down when I can hold him.
And here's the other thing. He's a wild man. I know what the odds are that he'll want to be held once he's mobile. Again, math is on my side. And you can't argue with math. Everyone knows that.
You know you're in the club if:
1. Your baby has ice cream on his leg.
My in-laws were in town from south Florida one recent weekend. As I ate a ginormous burger with my boy sleeping in my lap, head on my left arm, they looked at me as if I were eating the poop out of his diaper. All three of them were telling me to put him down. I'm not sure what they didn't understand. Two of my favorite things in the world right now are eating and holding my kid. When I get to do them at the same time, it's like being stampeded by puppies. And, I'm good at it. I actually managed to eat that half-pound of grass-fed goodness without anything falling on Fin-- not even a drop of cheese or avocado, which might be the only thing more amazing than the fact that it took me about five minutes to destroy. But, ice cream, which I prefer a little melt-y, is a different story. I've had to lick ice cream off him a few times. Maybe I just need more practice. Any excuse to eat more ice cream.
2. He's quiet when you put him down. Or he's not.
As often as I hold Fin, I know for a fact that he can play happily by himself. I also know that sometimes he doesn't want to, and he gets pissed off when he gets put in his pack n' play.
You might be tempted to panic, like my husband does, on those rare days that your baby has something going on and wants to be held. If that happens, just wait a day, maybe even a week, before you accuse your spouse of spoiling the baby. We had a really rough week or two just before he was a month old, when Fin was really gassy and really didn't want to be put down. Fortunately, my husband didn't dare say anything to me during that week. (He was still afraid of new mom hormones back then. Life was so much simpler.)
No matter how often he wants to be held as a baby, he won't be a baby forever. If you think a little boy is never going to leave mommy's side just because she held him whenever he wanted to be held as a baby, I think you're psychotic. That simple.
3. The back of his head is wicked round.
Most babies spend a lot of time on their backs, so if you carry your baby a lot, you might notice that he or she starts to look a little different. That is to say, more awesome.
My husband is 41 and has been surfing for decades, which is reason enough for him to idolize Kelly Slater, the 40 year-old surfer who holds like 11 or 12 world championships, and the record for both youngest and oldest world champion. And he is beautiful. One other thing about Kelly Slater is that he rocks a shaved head, so when Ryan realized his hair was starting to get a little thin in one area, he told me he wanted to shave his head "like Kelly Slater". The problem is, Ryan's head is not as beautifully round as Kelly Slater's, and would therefore look creepy and ugly. I didn't know how to put that gently, but apparently my blank stare sufficed. Ryan still has hair.
Attachment Parenting: Your beautifully round-skulled child will thank you one day.
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