About Me

Years ago, I lived with my sister in Texas while she was pregnant with her first baby. The highlight of our week was watching Supernanny on Friday nights. (Undoubtedly acceptable for a pregnant Army officer who wakes up every morning at 5am for PT. For a then-unemployed and single 20-something year-old? Equally acceptable. Right?) 

I took fastidious mental notes about how to raise my own future kids. (Not realizing the irony in that finding a husband with whom to create these kids would be pretty unlikely, given my excitement for Supernanny Fridays.) 

Since then, I did manage to find a husband. Fortunately, he rented me my first apartment after I moved back to the Boston area for a job at an amazing non-profit, and he lived right above me. So I didn’t have to break from having the habits of an 80 year-old woman to find him.

Also we managed to make ourselves a baby a little while ago. And during my pregnancy, I became an expert in child-rearing. (I read four books about parenting on my daily train commute.) 

The books I read were downright anti-Supernanny. The author of the first one, Alfie Kohn (Unconditional Parenting), is explicitly anti-Supernanny. I'm not sure if the other authors are such explicit haters, but the following folks definitely helped me emerge from the Supernanny fog: Adele Farber (How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk), Heather Shumaker (It’s OK Not to Share), and Dr. Shefali Tsabary (The Conscious Parent). 

Now, I’m all like, They do time-outs?? WHAT TERRIBLE PARENTS. (Except, not really, because I’m not a total jack wagon.) Truly, though, I don’t believe in time-out. It’s trendy, I know. But my clothes aren’t even trendy.

In case you're wondering, this is not the first instance in which I have ultimately proven to be a hypocrite over time. Like when I see someone using Splenda, I’m like, Ummm, you’d rather get cancer than watch your diet to avoid calories?? But not even five years ago I used to take 12 in a medium coffee. No joke. 

And really, I no longer think I should adopt any of what I once thought were brilliant methods promoted by Supernanny. But the problem is that the opposite approach, the approach I’m aiming to take, looks lazy. And people don’t like lazy parents. 

But here's the thing. Or, at least part of the thing. It only looks lazy. I swear. 

Instead of telling Finley to say ‘please’ when he demands more cheese, Ryan and I have to remember to say please every time we ask for something, all. the. time. Instead of telling Finley to apologize when he commandeers another kid's invisible submarine or something, we have to have a long conversation about feelings before bed. 

And the grand daddy of them all. Instead of disciplining him for going ape crap when we tell him that we can't buy ALL THE FLASHING NOISY THINGS, we have to let him express his frustration by way of public tantrum, with disapproving eye daggers being launched at us from every direction, of course. And then we have to remember not to bring him into the lion's den of materialism, surrounded by strategic product placement, targeted advertising, and straight up consumer mind control. And if ever we have no choice but to bring him into a store, we have to talk with him about what would make shopping easier for him, and arrive at some kind of workable compromise. 

That’s legitimate stuff, which has proven effective one hundred percent of the time. 

And while that particular statistic might be an exaggeration, it's not much of one. But so few people parent this way. And the ones who don't parent this way roll their eyes at those of us who do. 

Listen. I don't really want to wage a battle in the Mommy Wars here. But yes. I think this gentle/natural/unconditional parenting paradigm is the way to go. And all those Facebook memes about how the BEST parents are the ones who stalk, scream at, and puppet their children with every bit of puppeteering strength they have? On some days, I want to light those memes on fire. But they're on the internet, and I don't know how to light the internet on fire. Nor would I really want to light the internet on fire if I could light the internet on fire. And clearly those are the days I don't meditate enough. 

So anyway, what I'm trying to do here is to write one of those posts that go viral and draw a little more attention to this brilliantly effective alternative way of parenting. More or less.

BUT NOT BECAUSE I THINK PARENTS WHO DO IT ARE BAD PEOPLE OR BAD PARENTS. Just because they might be like me. Fooled by Supernanny and the internet memes. And thankful for enlightenment.

And my name is Rachel. Hi!